"I think maybe not too many kids will come. You know, the police will be searching for the children who are collecting garbage and arrest them today."

We lay on the floor of the drop in center, waiting.

"What should we cook then? I mean... if the kids do come."

"I'm not sure. We could buy some chicken and sticky rice." Esther is Karen. She can speak something ridiculous like 5 languages. She's one of the interns Compasio recently hired.

Just then, Daniel pulled up on his motor bike and joined us. One of the tallest Burmese men I've ever seen, Daniel is gentle and loves spending time with the kids.

"Well I will go to the market." Esther announced as she got up. "I'll be back soon."

I got out my first grade Burmese book and read aloud as Daniel corrected my pronunciation. Then we heard the familiar shouts echoing down the street as three dirty boys torpedoed through the doors. We got out the Uno cards and began to play.

Time passed and children came and went. A father and his two daughters took a break from collecting bottles and cans to sit and eat chicken & sticky rice with us. As they left they asked for help. They were having trouble buying food. They couldn't make enough money to feed everyone.

I talked to a boy I had never seen before and found that he was from Burma, he had come to Mae Sot to see the Compasio staff because he missed them. As we asked more questions, he told us about his family (father dead, brother took the house, sister wouldn't talk to them, it was just him and his mom). The boy had finished 7th grade and now worked to support his mother. He would stay in Mae Sot until he could make enough money to go back.

My heart felt like it was being squeezed. His shirt was torn down the sleeves; he hadn't changed for 3 days. He had nothing else to wear. The least we could do was get him a new shirt and some shorts, so that's what we did. He plans on begging. Daniel and I looked at each other, stunned. No teenage boy would be able to make money from begging. No one cares.

I can easily see him being captured by the Burma army, used as a porter, landmine tester, or child soldier. His life could go in two directions from here. What can we do?

We're going to see if we can find him a job, something reliable, something to give him dignity. He says he'll be in Mae Sot for 20 days. Maybe in those 20 days we can give him the sense that there are people who care for him, that he's worth more than the few bot he can collect.

As we locked up the drop in center I heard Daniel singing as tears pricked at the corner of my eyes:

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.

Do you have Jesus?

Today I had my first 'Jesus' Burmese conversation outside of my Burmese class and Church. Granted, it was between a six year old and me, but it was interesting, and heartbreaking non the less.

Si Mao Mao is six years old and lives in the prison baby home. His mom was released from prison right before I arrived in Mae Sot. I'm pretty sure that he has a history of past abuse from his father, and from what I can see, he and his mother don't have much of a connection.

We were sitting on the porch today talking (in Burmese! I've hit a breakthrough where I can carry on a Burmese conversation :]) and he said,

"P Katie, do you have Jesus in your heart?"

"Yes." I replied, "Do you?"

"No." He answered, "I don't have him in my heart." He had the saddest, most rejected look on his face.

"Si Mao Mao. You can have Him. He loves you." I told him, stating love in a way that is expressed between friends, parents, and siblings.

He simply shook his head.

"Si Mai Mao, Jesus loves you." This time I used a word for love that is special, the kind of love that only God has for us.

His face reflected confusion and he said, "Love? I don't know that kind of love."

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"Have you seen Jesus?" Si Mao Mao asked me

"Yes." I said, though I couldn't elaborate further, my vocabulary is not that extensive.

"I have seen Him!" Si Mao Mao stood up and illustrated with his hands, "I was sleeping and I heard him say 'Si Mao Mao!' I looked, and I saw Him, Jesus!"

"Where?"

"I don't know... over there." He gestured towards the sky.

He wandered off. He is six years old after all.

I think I'm going to have one of the interns that Si Mao Mao has admiration and love for talk to him. He could do a better job than I at explaining how one comes to have Jesus in his life, especially to a six year old Burmese boy.

Will you pray for Si Mao Mao? Pray that he will know that he is loved more than he can imagine, even though he may feel unloved by his mother and father. He is in first grade. He's so smart, able to speak Thai and Burmese fluently, and bits of English. He's a treasure, and I pray that he will know it.

Welcome Wednesday

Wow I feel completely rested. I rolled over. Wonder what time it is. Where is my phone? For the past few nights I had been waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning, unable to sleep, drenched in sweat. It is so hot here. Besides that, our next door neighbor is usually blaring an eclectic mix of tunes around 6:00 am. You never know what you’ll hear; it is Thai pop one minute and Brian Adams the next.

I stood up. Where was my phone? Why haven’t I invested in a clock? Found it. 9:30??? Shoot. One new text message from Ashlee: hey when you come today… Double shoot. I totally forgot about the drop in center. It opens at 9:00. My phone began to ring as I tried to reply. “Ashlee? Hey! I’m so sorry. I just woke up, okay I’m leaving now.”

Welcome Wednesday.

I was out the door in 3 minutes. “Don’t forget we’re meeting for lunch today.” My friend Steph shouted as I ran out the door, helmet in hand. “Oh! Thanks for reminding me.” I definitely would have forgotten. Why am I so scatterbrained?

I got to the drop in center ten minutes later, with a heartfelt apology and no good excuse for Ashlee. A few of the street kids had already arrived and were playing checkers. They are way too good at checkers. I’ve never won a game against them; slightly embarrassing considering I’m a high school graduate (plus an INSIGHT Alum) and they’ve never been to school. I’m pretty sure they cheat though.

We spent the morning coloring, making bubble wands, blowing bubbles, watching homemade videos, kicking the ball around, and then we closed up. We took three of the boys to pick up some bottles and cans that had been collected by a local Burmese Church. These kids spend the day digging through garbage to make enough money to bring home. These three boys in particular had recently begun supporting themselves, the rent, and four younger siblings. Their mom was just put in prison. They hopped on the back of our bikes, laughing. They were so excited to be riding on a motorbike.

(Hin Pai giving a quick haircut to one of the street kids)

At 12:30 I met a few friends at a restaurant for lunch then we went to Mae Tao Clinic, one of two hospitals in Mae Sot, this one specifically for Burmese. A friend of mine works there and was more than willing to show us around. It was amazing. There was a room for everything. Dentistry, counseling, maternity care, I don’t even know what all. One room that specifically stood out to me was the prosthetics area. We walked in to see 2 men sitting around a table, constructing fake limbs. One man had crutches and was slowly pacing the floor, testing his new leg. A few other men sat waiting for their limbs to be created. I looked at the wall behind me and saw a white board. The chart had the names, ages, cause of accident, and limb needed for forty people. Forty people in forty days would soon have 2 legs again. I scanned down the row titled “cause of accident” every single one was listed landmine.

Hundreds of people cross the border from Burma to visit the clinic. They come to vaccinate their babies, receive treatment for illness, have their limbs amputated. It’s really overwhelming to think about the numbers of people in Burma who have no medical care. I know that so many die from preventable illnesses. Visiting the clinic made me wish that I could help in some way, even if it’s just to finance.

I went back to the office. I had about 30 minutes before my next engagement. I lay on the floor reading a book on ministering cross culturally, then a book on the LAMP method. Times up.

I got back onto my motor bike and drove to the Compasio Safehouse. When I pulled up the kids were all asleep on the floor. I lay down between them and closed my eyes. I felt someone poke me and I looked around, all the kids were sleeping. I closed my eyes again. Poke. I reached behind me to tickle Saja. He laughed.

(Saja and Coffee Dog wheelbarrow)

I spent the next two hours coloring, braiding hair, dancing to music, pretending I was on a train bound for Chiang Mai, pretending I was being chased by the police, pretending I was in jail, playing soccer, rescuing the dog from the neighbors yard, resolving an argument (Jamila had stolen Chiada’s lipstick), drinking mango smoothies, having a tickle war, and playing in the mud pretending leaves were fish. “Twamino!” I shouted to the kids. “No! No! P Katie! Ten more minutes.” How could I say no to those little faces?

Here I am at home now. It’s 6:15. It’s been a long day. It feels like it’s been three days crammed into one. Not bad for waking up two hours late. As I sit here and process, I am really amazing by what I’ve seen, who I’ve talked to, what I’ve done. I feel so blessed to be here. I truly am blessed.

So there you have it, one day in my life. I try to constantly remember why I’m here, to remember that I am representing Jesus, I want to be a blessing to people I come in contact with. What does it mean for you to be a blessing? For me today it was playing and laughing with the street kids. It was having a smile and making eye contact with the people (complete strangers by the way) I saw at the clinic. It was hugging and loving the safehouse kids. What is it for you? Is it saying hello to someone who looks lonely? Is it buying lunch for the homeless guy on the corner? Is it sitting with your kid, talking and working on a coloring book together instead of watching TV?

I can’t ever redo this Wednesday. I like to think that Jesus really knew what He was talking about when He said “Don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough trouble of its own.” So friends, maybe you’d like to join me in remembering to make each moment count, to show love to those around you, and to be the hands and feet of Jesus everywhere you go.

Prayers

My Birthday is on June 14. I'll be a whopping 20. It's really strange to me that I am... old. I know! I know! It's not old, but it's old for someone who's been a teenager for the past 6 years. For my birthday, I'm asking that you pray for some things that are close to my heart. I would appreciate it, you would be spending time with God, your prayers have power, and it's free. What do you say???

• pray for the Church in Burma- I've gotten to meet many Burmese pastors from Burma and Mae Sot and i see how devoted they are, even through difficult trails. Pray that they will be strengthened and empowered to spread the Gospel.

• pray for the Compasio kids (Asha, Alias, Saja, Nokia, Chaida, Simila, Ali, Jamila, Baby, Ni Ni, Birdy, Yao Min, Se Mao Mao, and Y Y)- that they will remember and honor their identities as Burmese Muslims, yet be a lover and follower of Jesus Christ. Pray for their future lives as they grow and pray for Compasio as we make decisions which will affect their lives.

• Please for for my spiritual life- sometimes I am very overwhelmed by injustice, and I forget that God is sovereign over all. Pray that I will let love guide my life and that I will place serving Jesus above all things.

• Pray for me as I am nearing 6 months (halfway mark!) in Thailand. That the Spirit will guide me as I seek what is next in my life.

• Pray for the Burmese government leaders- Burma is a broken country that is collapsing in on itself. Pray that there will be conviction and repentance among the leaders of Burma and that they will seek reconciliation with the people they have persecuted

• pray for the Church in America- that Christ and his mission will be at the center of all that is done. Pray for a revival of the Spirit, that the people of God will feel convicted to act with love and compassion against injustice, whether it is in their lives, in their neighborhood, or on the other side of the world

That's it. Thank you.

:)

story time

The other day I went to the safehouse to keep 2 year old Baby company

Isn't he cute?
We found ourselves in the backyard. He toddled over to a pile of coconuts which had fallen from the tree. "Ao kap" he said, handing me the small fruit. "okay." I replied, not knowing what I was getting into. Have you ever opened a coconut fallen fresh from the tree? I haven't.

I got a big knife, borderline machete, from the kitchen. I sat on the ground and proceeded to whack at the solid outer shell. Thirty minutes later I began to peel away the 2 inches of white husk that surrounds the coconut. Twenty minutes later, I arrived at the cement like brown shell. It was hard as rock. I feebly knocked the machete/knife on it.

"Ao Maaa!!! (I want it!)" Baby exclaimed.

"Mai gaing (it's not good!)" I replied, shaking the coconut next to my ear.

"Gaing Gaing! (it's good! it's good!)" He was 100% ready to eat this fruit. He was even armed with a handful of spoons.

"Jing lao? (really?)" Was I seriously taking the opinion and expertise regarding the ripeness of fruit from a two year old? I whacked halfheartedly again. Nothing.But then, I remembered sitting with my dad as he cut open coconuts for us as kids. "See this?" He would say, "This is the eye of the coconut. you have to cut it like this..." his voice echoed in my head as I found the eye of the coconut and stuck the tip of the knife in. With a mighty whack, I cracked the coconut. Baby cheered.

We sat on the cement eating the sweet coconut meat (by the way this type of coconut has no juice). I felt like I had really accomplished something. It had taken an hour and a half, I was drenched in sweat, and my hands were itching like crazy, but I had done it. Not bad for my first time... not bad for a white girl.

The riots in Bangkok have been getting worse, and unfortunately, they have begun to travel upwards to Chiang Mai. I had been reading news articles and watching videos about the situation, which probably made me paranoid, especially with what happened later that night. I got onto my motorbike at 6:50 to go to a friend's house. We were going to meet at 7:00 to study Burmese. I thought it was odd that there were so many police men out directing traffic. Besides that, there were Thai flags galore. As i turned onto a road that would lead to the highway, I slowed down. There were about 50 motorbikes stopped, engines off. I stopped too and the police man guarding the highway entrance signaled for me to turn my engine off as well. Not gonna lie, I was scared. I had no idea what was going on and I couldn't understand or ask anyone what was happening. We say for about 15 minutes, the number of stopped bikes increasing. Across the highway I would see people waiting as well. A police car sped past. I had a clear view of the road and there was no one on it. I texted my friend to let her know I'd be late. She texted back saying "relax, the Princess is in town."

Ahhh.... I remembered seeing a huge picture of a woman sitting in front of the police station. I settled down, ready to wait, and it was then that I had this conversation with the woman on the motorbike next to me.

Woman (in Thai): I have ice on my bike! I have to go!

Me (in Burmese, I'm still working on what language comes out of my mouth when) Oh yes... that's right.

Woman (in Thai) The ice is melting!

Me (in Thai.) I'm sorry. Would you like some gum?

Woman (in Thai) What is it?

Me (in English) Gum.

Woman (In Thai) yes... okay. Thank you.

Me (in Thai) no problem.

After a grand total of 30 minutes, 2 police cars a BMW another police car, a Mercedes bens, yet another police car, a van, a toyota, a song tao full of armed soldiers, another van, and two more police cars sped past. All us common folk started our engines and continued on our way.

The Princess of Thailand is staying at the hotel down the street from my house. As I drove home, I saw a plethora of police men patrolling the high way and area in front of the hotel. I don't know, if I were here I would pull the princess and the pauper thing.

So. that's my interesting happenings of late.

Oh, and I got my computer back, fixed.

why does nothing go as planned

I had a really great blog written and ready to be posted.

I had stayed up the night before and was late to dinner because I was so inspired. I saved it in a Microsoft Word document planning to post it the next morning.

As I booted up my computer and copied the text, my computer suddenly went blank.

I pushed the power button, and was faced with an overwhelming amount of scary numbers and letters. "uh.... help." I feebly called. No one in the office responded.

So. I had a great blog. It was inspiring and hilarious. It was informative and fun.

I hope that you'll be able to read it someday.

Until then, my laptop is in the shop and I'm clinging to the hope that the hard drive and my files can be saved. Here's to looking for a new computer.

...more later.

Problems

When I think about my problems I think "Oh great. I'm almost out of money". Or "Shoot, I'm almost out of gas. Now I have to go out of my way to get to the gas station." Sometimes I think "Man... what am I going to do next year? There's so many options. Dang. I'll have to decide about that sometime." But when it comes down to it, these things aren't really problems. I can easily withdraw money from the ATM (even though they charge 150 bot fee beside the point though). I have a motorbike to put gas in. I don't have to pedal a bike around town in hundred degree weather. As for next year, I have choices. I have endless choices.

I met a girl today who has problems. Real problems.

She lives in a garbage dump. She shares a bamboo platform 8 feet long and 5 feet wide with her three sisters and grandmother. A ripped tarp covers the top. It sits on piles of garbage in a city of garbage.

She is 16 years old.

Both of her parents died when she was young. She's been raising her two sisters and taking care of her grandmother since then.

Her head is shaved, probably to make it easier to get rid of lice that stick to her hair as she digs through the garbage desperate to find anything valuable to bring home.

My friend Sia and I sat with her and we talked. I listened. We laughed together. Sia turned to me with tears in her eyes "I want to do something for these girls. I want to just be able to come and sit. To talk with them about life." I silently agreed.

My problems suddenly seemed so small compared to this brave girl's life. She must be on constant guard. She lives in a dangerous place. She is young and beautiful- a target for sex traffickers. She's Burmese- automatically considered of less worth. She digs through the garbage for a living- worth even less.

Yet, as I watched her talk to her grandmother and change out of her filthy pants and into a skirt, I saw hope. She handed 20 bot to her sister. Probably what she earned that day, less than 1 American dollar. She had done her job. They would make it one more day.

The fact that this is happening is, I believe, a problem.

Vietnam in a Coconut shell

I hate to think that something I’ve done is a waste. If things were my way, I would always learn something from the experiences I’ve had. I think that more than any other feeling or experience, I was determined to have something good come from my trip to Vietnam. It was on a quite street in Nha Trang that I forced myself stop and figure out why I had been feeling so down, so unlike myself. I had a revelation that night, and here’s what it was.

I realized that I had been so depressed about my situation because I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable with the language, uncomfortable being away from the familiar surroundings of Mae Sot, uncomfortable because I had no companionship, and uncomfortable because I was the only white person. As I sat there, it dawned on me that as a follower of Christ, I’m not really called to a life of comfort. I’ve been called to follow Jesus. As I reflected on this thought, I realized that Jesus didn’t live much of a comfortable life. During his ministry, he didn’t even have a place to call home. He didn’t have an apartment he could go home to at the end of the day. I doubt he even had a suitcase to carry his toothbrush in. It seems like if I have been called to be like Jesus, then I should be willing to live this kind of lifestyle. It was then that the blinders were taken off my eyes and I saw how selfish I had been. Instead of seeing what I could be doing to be a blessing to the people around me, I was self absorbed in my own pity party. From that point on, I saw things differently and I appreciated the country that Vietnam is. I also appreciated Thailand and what I have here.

To come back to Thailand was like taking a breath of fresh air. I felt so renewed, so refreshed for what is being done here. I also felt, without a doubt, that this is where God wants me to be right now. I think that has to be one of the best feelings in the world, to know that you are where God wants you to be. I’m thankful for the learning experience I had in Vietnam. I’m thankful that I got to spend time with my grandfather, who is such a cool guy by the way. But… I am so relieved to be back home. Here’s to the next nine months! Use me where you want me God. I am all yours.

Now… about that trip to the motherland.

Random happenings and observations: a compilation

• Guaranteed, everyone will have a tooth pick in their mouths after every meal. Guaranteed.
• There is the constant sound of honking and to step onto the street is to risk your life.
• The iced coffee is 1/5 coffee, 2/5 sweetened condensed milk, and 2/5 ice. Delicious.
• The food is out of this world spectacular.
• Double dipping is not an issue. Everyone has a bowl of rice and chopsticks and shares the food in the middle.
• You’re chased down the street by people trying to sell postcards, gum, and lottery tickets.
• The hotel reception keeps your passport (is this normal?) and you see them entering the information onto a public computer.
• It is completely normal to see a guy on a motorbike with a 35 lb. fish strapped to the back.
• Anyone can be a donglionaire. 19,000 dong= 1 USD
• If you listen carefully, you might pick up on your tour guide discussing different tasty meats including beef, pork, and dog
• At a rest stop, my uncle bought ice cream and French bread and made me an ice cream sandwich
• You’re caught off guard when you spot someone taller than 5’5. They literally tower over everyone else
• No shirt, no shoes, no pants, no problem. Walking around in boxers is completely normal.
• I walked into my aunt’s house and she immediately handed me a whole, chilled coconut with a straw sticking out the top. That’s hospitality.
• They NEVER make it till your order it.
• I think we drove past a Nazi graveyard at one point. Each tombstone had a swastika on it.
• I saw a kid get hit by a motorbike when playing in the ocean. Yeah. Never seen anything like that before. Don’t worry. He’s okay.
• Red lights are taken to mean yield signs here apparently.
• What? You have to pee? Oh no problem, just pullover to the side of the road. Everyone does it.
• Our bus had a microphone, so the tour guide had a little girl sit in front singing Vietnamese children’s songs while 14 adults clapped along, applauded enthusiastically, and shouted out requests.

My little nephew

Never felt closer to God then when I'm basking in his creation

Love the fruit in Vietnam :)

My grandfather and I caught in a slightly awkward photo moment

three cousins: Ngoan, Ly, and Trang

I accidentally got lice in Vietnam :/

I hope this doesn't count as ancestor worship

thanks for reading!