Sunday, December 12, 2010

God Still Speaks

Ever feel really dry?
Ever just feel thirsty?

How about empty? You can feel the echoes resounding in your soul. You know how to fix it but life is "so busy". You don't have time to stop. I try to fake out of it by "praying silently" as I rush to and from work and various activities. I trick myself, "Oh yeah. I've been praying. I've been spending time with God." When really I was just goofing off and faking it. That's not going to last for long. You know what I mean?

Today was one of those days, where I had somehow thrown myself to the bottom of the pit and looked up towards to light, realizing just how far down I was.

Yeah, I've been kind of stressed out. It's already almost mid- December and I keep telling myself that I need to have some kind of plan, like I have to be ready to hit the ground running once my year is over. I keep making plans, then changing my mind, then getting frustrated because I have no idea what the heck I'm going to do in America or here in Thailand.

Faith is a tricky thing. Faith is something I don't think about that often, I mean, I don't really think about it.
I guess today I had faith that if I went somewhere by myself, in the middle of no where, God would speak to me. God would tell me what to do. I was so desperate to hear from Him. I wanted to feel Him close to me, because I've been feeling so alone and out of place.

I went somewhere I used to go a lot. It's kind of in the middle of nowhere, It's really quite and it has a really beautiful view of the mountains. Today the mountains in the distance were spotted with clouds, and the skies above me were overcast. I sat there and breathed in the clean, after rainy air.

In the secret
In the quite place
In the stillness You are there.

HE is in the quite place. You have to seek Him to hear His voice. He's in the place where it's just you and Him, like my field.

In the secret
In the quite hour I wait
Because I want to know You more.
I want to know You.
I want to hear Your voice.
I want to know You more.

I never really liked that song. It was so, cheesy upbeat, but as I slowly sang the words I felt the Holy Spirit cover me, I felt my heart open, and the lyrics were true.

I opened my Bible to Hebrews 11 and slowly read through it, tearing up at some parts, and smiling at others. God is so Awesome.

What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.

Wow. The chapter goes on to talk about all these people who lived their lives by faith. People who left their homes, people who gave up their safety, people who did insane stuff, because they knew that a faithful heart is a heart that pleases God.

The author goes on to say this,
"Well, how much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of faith. By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword.
Their weakness was turned to strength. (<--That's the part that made me cry the hardest)
They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight."

Isn't that AMAZING???
I wonder what my story of faith is going to turn out to be.
"By faith Katie followed Jesus to Thailand then back to America where she lived a nominal life and died behind a white picket fence." God. I hope not.

But see, that's what I'm scared of. I'm scared that I will grow to be comfortable with a "normal life". That I will say, "oh yeah.. I lived overseas for 1 year. That was my duty. Now I can live my life."

Please never let me be that way. Never let me fall into that Li(f)e.

I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know where I will be come March. But neither did Noah, neither did Abraham, neither did Moses.

When I titled my blog "Running the Race Marked Out for Me" I was really struck by the first part of the verse,
"Since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, and let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us."

I'm not in this alone. There are many people who sat in the same place as I. Yet, God is faithful through the ages, and He does not change. He is the foundation I can rely on.

I can't tell you exactly what I'm going to do, but I can tell you what I'm hoping for and what, by faith, I will continue running towards…

I am hoping that God gives me the courage to return to America.
I am hoping that He surrounds me with a loving and committed community to strengthen me as I adjust.
I hope that I will continue to reach out to the poor and broken, as I become better equipped to help heal.
I hope that someday I'll get married to a man who shares my heart and passions, and I hope that together we can grow and be faithful together.
I hope that God will provide me with the money I need to study and grow in knowledge.

I hope that God will use the things He's done in my life to encourage others to have their own stories of faith.

Faith is often the hardest thing to have, because it's so unknown, and instead of trusting in in your ability, you must learn to trust in someone else.

"So, take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong."

You are so loved, and so precious. Have faith.


Gazza said...

Katie what a blessing you have been to thousands of people, with your shareing your love your words. You may never no the legacy that you leave behind where ever you go but God will.
I feel blessed and encouraged to read your blog so refreshing so honest so open to God.
I will pray for you to be in the place God calls you to, to the people he calls you to, to do his will. The one thing I can be sure of is that you only want God,s best in your life.
Bless ya Katie I'll be praying and watching to see what God has in store for you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Katie, once again your words have blessed the socks off me - I don't think you have any idea in the world of the impact of your writing.
In your honesty you express what so many of us feel - weakness, uncertainty, questions whether we really make a difference (but you know that you do), and also that dreadful fear that we might slide back into the Western lifestyle and forget the starkness of what we have seen here.
I can't know what God has for your future, but I do know that He is faithful to His children always, and that even back in America you can stay on the path marked out for you - perhaps to return in time to this place where you have left so much of your heart.
Big blessings to you, beautiful girl! Fran

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funny how often we think that we have to go to a special "quiet, peaceful place" for God to speak to us when the truth is that we need to go to that "quiet, peaceful place" in order to listen to Him. He can (and more often than we would like to admit does) speak to us anytime and anywhere, but the problem is in our struggle to (or sometimes our trying not to) listen to Him. Praise Him for His amazing patience with such a slow-witted and stiff-necked people as we often are.

God bless you Katie and worry not. His provision is more than sufficient to meet all of your needs and the plan and purpose He has for your life is so much better than anything you will ever wish for or be able to imagine.

Trust in Him. He is always at work on our behalf. Even when we can't or won't take time to listen.

Cousin Tim

John H said...

Katie I'm excited to see you again when you get back to America, I hope that you are able to readjust smoothly and that all of your loved ones here will make it a joy and not a sorrow for you when you arrive. I encourage you to just take the new perspective that you have gained while in Thailand and carry it over into America where you can change other people's views on the mediocre lives that they live. They will be able to learn from you that they too can be living a life of Godly passion. I've said it once and I'll say it again, you have been an inspiration for me in my life to do greater things.
Don't worry about falling into a 'normal life' I can see that you have been forever changed from your experience in Thailand, and if you remain in your walk of faith God will continue to do great things.
Well I hope that I get to see ya when you return, I dunno when you are coming back but it will be really nice to see you again! Take care Katie, and stay strong in the Lord.