When Evil Has a Hold

I just signed onto the internet tonight and found this video:

If you don't see the video above click here.

Four of my friends had posted it onto their facebooks and as I watched it, I started to feel sick, because this video was taken in Mae Sot today. I frantically searched the internet and messaged my friends trying to find out what was going on.

This article sums up what's happening.

There's a lot that I want to say that I'm not able to. I'm not in Mae Sot right now, but I wish I could be. Hopefully I'll be back by tomorrow evening.

Please keep the 10,000+ new refugees in Mae Sot and the people in Myawaddy in your minds and prayers today.

More later.

Newest Friend.

As I got onto my bicycle, I heard the familiar sound of my phone as it received an incoming text message.

"...Katie said Ma Think put on her best clothes and is already waiting outside, so happy!"

I smiled to myself and headed towards Mae Tao Clinic as quickly as I could.

Burma Children's Medical fund is an NGO working with Mae Tao Clinic to provide life saving surgeries for children who would otherwise have no hope for a healthy future. Patients receive treatment and care in Mae Sot, unless they require a special surgery, which is when they go to the hospital in Chiang Mai.

Ma Think Kahn is a beautiful 16 year old girl who's lived at the clinic for a year. She has undergone various surgeries in Chiang Mai. Her parents are faithful and have done everything to provide for her. She was first taken to a hospital in Burma, where even one visit costed more than her poor family could afford. Her father brought her to Mae Sot with hope that Mae Tao could help her. She will go to Chiang Mai on November 11 for her final surgery.

My friend Katie told us about her and asked if anyone could go hang out with her. She gets really lonely, and doesn't have many people to talk to or anything to do. My friend Tdaa and I went to see her for the first time yesterday.

I was a little bit hesitant, I'm semi-confident in my Burmese, but I was unsure that I could find things to talk to her about. I was so happy to find a happy, smiling young woman sitting in the outpatients area, waiting for us. She began chattering away to me, smiling and answering my questions. I told her I would come see her the next day.

I pulled up to the clinic and scanned the crowds of patients milling around. There she was, sitting and waiting patiently for me to come. I went to her and sat beside her.
"Hey little sister!" I said, "I brought some markers and paint, do you want to sit and color?"
She nodded, a big smile on her face. We walked over to a table and began to color and draw.

"That's beautiful." She said, complimenting my tree. "So is yours!" I replied.

We continued to draw together, enjoying the quite and company. A boy wandered past, looking longingly at the white paper and plethora of colors.

"Do you want to color?" I asked, offering them a sheet.

The little boy smiled shyly and came closer, he held his baby brother in his arms.
They were staying at the clinic until their mom gave birth to her baby. The seven year old chatted away as he colored the paper, his imagination filling the blank spaces.

Another older boy ambled over. He came to just talk. He's 16 years old, almost 17. He's from Rangoon and came to Mae Sot with his sister after her husband left her. She's due to have her baby any day now. He shared his childhood, what his life had been like up until that point.
"I'll go tomorrow to find work. I hear that they're hiring at the orange groves. 100 Bot a day."
I stared at him incredulously. "100 bot?" I repeated.
That is a lot of money for a days work, though it's only three American dollars.

I talked to Ma Think about her upcoming surgery.
"Are you scared?" I asked.
She shook her head no.
"I was the first time, but then I saw there were other kids there who were much younger than me, so I had to be brave."

I tried to wrap my mind around it. When I was a child I was scared to go into the dentist office by myself, how could a 16 year old, let alone a 5 year old climb into a van, stay in a house in a foreign city, and go into an intensive surgery alone???

In that moment, everything I thought was difficult about my life melted away. After her surgery she wants to stay in Mae Sot and go to school. She finished 6th grade in Burma but was unable to test because of her illness.

Ma Think's Father, the young lady herself, me, and Tdaa

As I rode my bicycle back to the office I blinked back the tears. Maybe on the outside I look like some kind of hero for giving her my time, but in reality, she's teaching me, she's giving me more than I could ever give her.

One of Those Days

You know those days where you just wake up in the morning and feel like your heart is being crushed? Where you feel like there's nothing you'd rather do than lie down in the middle of the road and close your eyes? (That might be a little bit dramatic. I'll tone it down.)

Sometimes I'm really selfish. I look at my problems and I think, "Wow. I have it really bad." I complain to my friends about my issues, and I sit at my desk with a face that says, "Don't talk to me. Can't you see I'm having a horrible day?" I hate it when I feel this way. It's like Satan is winning the battle over my heart. It's like I'm exchanging all the joy and all the peace I could have had for a big basket of sorrow and pity. It is really dumb.

When stuff like this comes up, I know what I have to do. I need remove myself. I have to leave myself behind. I need to have my heart shaken up. So I stood up from my desk, where it was all to easy to escape the world with various blogs and conversations, and I walked out. I listened to some worship songs as I left.

Oh Lord, You're beautiful

Your face is all I see

For when Your eyes are on this child

Your grace abounds to me

He is jealous for me!

His Love is like a hurricane and I am a tree

Bending. Beneath.

The weight of His wind and mercy...

I stopped. I couldn't drive anymore. I just stopped. Photography is how express myself. I had brought my camera with me, because I knew this was going to happen.

Feeling so overwhelmed. So unworthy. I just opened my heart and asked my Father to forgive me, to save me.

I think I try to carry everything by myself. I see the problems, the hurt, the suffering, and I try to find the answer and solution on my own. The result of this is me, a small human, carrying the weight and burdans that only God can shoulder. Who do I think I am?

I cannot solve every problem. In reality, it's Christ who works to bring the Good that humanity so desperately needs. I am but a tool, here for a time to bring Him glory until He takes me home. I am far from perfect, and He knows that. He knows I will fail, He knows I will feel hopeless, He knows I will be frustrated and just want to Cry. He knows.

I got back on the road, feeling fuller; my cup of joy no longer running on empty. The Babyhouse awaited me.

Saw Min Oo is four years old. He was born into the Mae Sot Prison where his mother is serving time. I have grown to love with this little boy. He is so bright, so loving, and so inquisitive. He has grown so much in the month since he's been living at the babyhouse.

This little man has grown a lot too. He came to the babyhouse with his mom. He's over a year old, but he was unable to walk, crawl, or even sit up by himself. He never smiled, and made almost no eye contact. He had been neglected and unable to develop in a healthy environment. His mom recently left to look for work, and we have taken him in and given him a lot of affection. Now he's sitting up, smiling, making eye contact, and quickly developing his muscles to crawl, and hopefully walk.

I hung around while they ate lunch. I photographed them for some projects we're doing. I joked with Saw Min Oo and Birdy and cuddled with them as I put them down for their naps. My heart become warm again. I have a purpose. I have good things. My cup was full of joy.

But, God doesn't really stop once your cup is full. He kind of has the tendency to make it overflow, and He was about to blow my mind (and cup) to smithereens.

I took the beautiful way back to the office. A back road that has an amazing view. I was stopping every few moments to stare in wonder at the picture I was seeing.

God. Is. So. Majestic.

Feeling unworthy? Don't. He loves you more than you can imagine.

Feeling small and insignificant? Don't. He has wonderful things for your future, if only you will trust Him.

Feeling like laying in the middle of the road? Not anymore.

So life goes on.

Until next time :)

Then the Rain Came

I sat. Sweating.

Partially from the heat, partially from the expectation.

I sat in the chair, in a room I'd sat in a million times before, but this time I was not the student.

I was in fact, the teacher.

Eight expectant faces looked up at me.

"Mingalaba Saya Ma." (Hello Teacher.)

"So uh... What do I do?" I glanced to my left. Hin Bai sat nursing her three month old baby. She had been my Burmese teacher until Theresa came.

"Just talk. They want to learn to speak English."

I gathered my wits and began a weird exercise. I made things up as I went along.

I think it went well. They expect me to come back next week, so it couldn't have been that bad.

And I gave them homework... like a good teacher does.

When 6:00 came we switched back to Burmese.

"Will you follow us? We're going to a birthday party."

"Sure." I replied.

We hopped onto motorbikes and took off for the local migrant school where the Birthday girl lived.

As we drove I noted the peculiar color of the sky. Kind of a muggy, light pink color. Then the rain came. It was that kind of rain that soaks you to the bone. By the time we got to the school, I was drenched. I stood outside her door, my jeans dripping onto the hallway floor.

"Katie!" She cried out. "Come in! I have some clothes you can wear!"

She ushered me into her bedroom and carefully selected a longi and t-shirt. I peeled off my jeans and shirt. She helped me tie the traditional Chin longi and led me back to the living room. In those few moments I felt completely transformed. I came in as a Westerner but I emerged as... I'm not sure what. Some people say Karen, while others think... who knows. My looks baffle people here.

We sat on the floor and gave her encouragement. She was turning 58 that day, and we each took a turn reading scripture and giving her words of wisdom. We prayed over her. I sat on the floor, suddenly feeling warm. But, it was a different warm from before. It didn't bring sweat to my brow, but it brought comfort to my heart. Here, with dry clothes and surrounded by these people, I felt so at home. We joked with each other in Burmese and they showed their obvious enjoyment in the fact that I could make conversation in Burmese.

I rode my motorbike home in my borrowed clothes, the soaking American clothes in my basket. As I drove past the restaurant I often eat at with friends, I glanced in and saw three of my closest Burmese speaking friends. I turned around and circled back. As I walked in I retied the skirt and they applauded. They appreciated my Burmese-ness I think.

I know I will never fully be Burmese. I have a slight advantage with my Asian looks , but I can never know what it's like to be from Burma. I think I'll have to be content with this. I'm glad I have friends who are so welcoming, who want me to be close to them, who want me to understand their lives and culture.

Top 10 Things I LOVE about my Life

1) My friends

God has really blessed me with some awesome and lasting relationships here in Thailand. The people at Compasio have become more like my family than my co workers. We love spending time together; eating, watching movies, playing guitar, going on motorbike adventures, going into the community, sitting in tea shops, and talking. We have an amazing time together.

2) My lifestyle

There's something so satisfying to living simply. I live in a one room house with 3 girls. We don't have a TV. We don't have refrigerator. We don't have a microwave. We don't even have a shower. But we have each other. (cheesy? sorry about that) We spend our evenings sitting in the living room, talking, dancing, and laughing. We walk to the market everyday to buy food to cook for dinner. We take bucket showers and hand wash our clothes. Sometimes we'll watch a movie on my laptop, but our best memories have been from just sitting together and enjoying each other's company.

3) Being close to Burma

Burma is full of heartbreak. Burma is full of pain. But, there is something so appealing about people from Burma. They have this light, this care free way of laughing and loving. They are endearing. I've never met people like this before. My closest and most dearly loved friends are from Burma, and even though we are worlds apart in our backgrounds and looks, they have welcomed me in and accepted me.

4) The Food

I have a plethora of AMAZING food in reach at all times. That can account for why I've gained so much weight. (lol) THAI FOOD. BURMESE FOOD. CHIN FOOD. WESTERN FOOD. MMMMMMMM

and it's so cheap.

5) Transportation

want to go to Chiang Mai? Hop on a bus. you'll be there in 5 hours. it costs $6.

want to go to Bangkok? Hop on a night bus. When you wake up you'll be there. Only $10.

I rely on my trusty motorbike to get me around town. You can fit 2-3 people, though I've seen up to 5 people squished onto one seat.

6) The Diversity of my town

American. Australian. Japanese. Korean. Philipino. Karen. Chin. Kachin. Chinese. Burmese. Thai. Akah. Lahoo. There are so many people groups here! So many languages. So many styles. It's so fun.

7) The Mae Sot Garbage Dump

I know I know. You've heard about the garbage dump a lot but I LOVE IT. The people there are truly fantastic. They're so welcoming. I love going there and being recognized. I love being invited into someone's home to sit and chat. I would move there if I could.

8) The Beauty

It's rainy season right now. Everything is this unbelievable shade of green. The mountains of Burma loom in the distance and rice fields are in full bloom. Dark clouds threaten on the horizon and lighting rips the sky. Flowers bloom, bright and beautiful. I'm often stopped dead in my tracks by the beauty of this place. If you were to ride your motorbike 45 minutes out of town you would find a handful of waterfalls, amazing beyond belief.

9) The Markets

What do you want to buy? Clothes? Food? Flowers? Makeup? Precious stones? Live frogs and turtles? Go to the market. Mae Sot alone has the border market, Sunday market, Burmese outdoor market, Saturday walking temple market, Friday/Saturday highway market, and day time alley market. So what did you need again?

10) Familiarity and Community

Last time I went to Chiang Mai, I felt such a disconnect. I felt like a tourist. I realized how much I value being familiar with people. There are people I've never spoken too, but I recognize them as I drive down the road. I can smile and wave at people I know.

There's one woman who walks around Mae Sot collecting garbage. She's so dark, a Burmese woman descended from Indians. At some point I began to make eye contact with her as I passed her on the road. The eye contact turned to a smile, the smile transformed to a wave. One day I saw her sitting, waiting on a corner. I went to her a we talked for the first time. I bought her a water and yogurt and I learned about her life, her children. That's what I love about Mae Sot. Strangers become friends if you see them often enough.

So. There you have it. I have never been more satisfied or felt more complete in my life. I feel so competely blessed by God, that all I want to do is have my life be a blessing to Him in return.

Hi.

It's me. It's been almost a month since I've written anything new. It's partly because I don't want to waste your time with junk but also partially because I've been really busy. So... just be warned that I have no spectacular story of heroism, just a quick update to let you know that I'm still alive.

In the past month... (bullet points if I may?)

• I moved! My two friends I were living with and I parted ways, Pim moved to Bangkok and Steph moved into a place closer to the office. I had actually been feeling like I wanted to be more immersed in Burmese so this came as a perfect opportunity. I was hooked up with 3 Chin girls from Church and I moved in. We have a really great time. They are really sweet and patient with helping me learn Burmese. I feel like I've improved so much already.

In the past week....

• My old old OLD friend from childhood came to Thailand for a quick visit. Amanda and I have been friends since age 8. It was so cool to hang out with her and show her my life here.

Wednesday I drove up to Chiang Mai

Friday we came back down to Mae Sot

Saturday we went back to Chiang Mai

and Monday I came back to Mae Sot. I am tired just typing that...

To bad Thailand is so ugly... what a bust having to drive back and forth ;)

In the past day...

• Compasio has begun an internship training for Burmese community engagement workers. Each week focuses on a different topic, this week we are learning about the Father Heart of God. What an amazing seminar! It's something powerful to know, truly know in your heart, that the God of the universe is your Father and loves you with a perfect love.

In the past hour...

• I woke up, took a quick bucket shower, got dressed, and went to 7-11 to buy more minutes for my cell phone. As I was getting on my motor bike to go to the office, I spotted 2 of my friends who were stopped by the police. I quick ran over, for some reason it helps to have a western face present when 2 illegal Burmese people are stopped by the police. I stood there with them, and waited as the policeman continued to direct traffic. They ended up with just a ticket.

Now...

• I'm gonna scarf down this bowl of raman noodles and quick rush over to the training.

Hope everyone is doing well... and by everyone I mean the people who read this... like you mom. Hi.

Off to be wrapped in the arms of my loving Father and to use the blessings He's given me to be a blessing to those around. Care to join me?