Top 10 Things I LOVE about my Life

1) My friends

God has really blessed me with some awesome and lasting relationships here in Thailand. The people at Compasio have become more like my family than my co workers. We love spending time together; eating, watching movies, playing guitar, going on motorbike adventures, going into the community, sitting in tea shops, and talking. We have an amazing time together.

2) My lifestyle

There's something so satisfying to living simply. I live in a one room house with 3 girls. We don't have a TV. We don't have refrigerator. We don't have a microwave. We don't even have a shower. But we have each other. (cheesy? sorry about that) We spend our evenings sitting in the living room, talking, dancing, and laughing. We walk to the market everyday to buy food to cook for dinner. We take bucket showers and hand wash our clothes. Sometimes we'll watch a movie on my laptop, but our best memories have been from just sitting together and enjoying each other's company.

3) Being close to Burma

Burma is full of heartbreak. Burma is full of pain. But, there is something so appealing about people from Burma. They have this light, this care free way of laughing and loving. They are endearing. I've never met people like this before. My closest and most dearly loved friends are from Burma, and even though we are worlds apart in our backgrounds and looks, they have welcomed me in and accepted me.

4) The Food

I have a plethora of AMAZING food in reach at all times. That can account for why I've gained so much weight. (lol) THAI FOOD. BURMESE FOOD. CHIN FOOD. WESTERN FOOD. MMMMMMMM

and it's so cheap.

5) Transportation

want to go to Chiang Mai? Hop on a bus. you'll be there in 5 hours. it costs $6.

want to go to Bangkok? Hop on a night bus. When you wake up you'll be there. Only $10.

I rely on my trusty motorbike to get me around town. You can fit 2-3 people, though I've seen up to 5 people squished onto one seat.

6) The Diversity of my town

American. Australian. Japanese. Korean. Philipino. Karen. Chin. Kachin. Chinese. Burmese. Thai. Akah. Lahoo. There are so many people groups here! So many languages. So many styles. It's so fun.

7) The Mae Sot Garbage Dump

I know I know. You've heard about the garbage dump a lot but I LOVE IT. The people there are truly fantastic. They're so welcoming. I love going there and being recognized. I love being invited into someone's home to sit and chat. I would move there if I could.

8) The Beauty

It's rainy season right now. Everything is this unbelievable shade of green. The mountains of Burma loom in the distance and rice fields are in full bloom. Dark clouds threaten on the horizon and lighting rips the sky. Flowers bloom, bright and beautiful. I'm often stopped dead in my tracks by the beauty of this place. If you were to ride your motorbike 45 minutes out of town you would find a handful of waterfalls, amazing beyond belief.

9) The Markets

What do you want to buy? Clothes? Food? Flowers? Makeup? Precious stones? Live frogs and turtles? Go to the market. Mae Sot alone has the border market, Sunday market, Burmese outdoor market, Saturday walking temple market, Friday/Saturday highway market, and day time alley market. So what did you need again?

10) Familiarity and Community

Last time I went to Chiang Mai, I felt such a disconnect. I felt like a tourist. I realized how much I value being familiar with people. There are people I've never spoken too, but I recognize them as I drive down the road. I can smile and wave at people I know.

There's one woman who walks around Mae Sot collecting garbage. She's so dark, a Burmese woman descended from Indians. At some point I began to make eye contact with her as I passed her on the road. The eye contact turned to a smile, the smile transformed to a wave. One day I saw her sitting, waiting on a corner. I went to her a we talked for the first time. I bought her a water and yogurt and I learned about her life, her children. That's what I love about Mae Sot. Strangers become friends if you see them often enough.

So. There you have it. I have never been more satisfied or felt more complete in my life. I feel so competely blessed by God, that all I want to do is have my life be a blessing to Him in return.

Hi.

It's me. It's been almost a month since I've written anything new. It's partly because I don't want to waste your time with junk but also partially because I've been really busy. So... just be warned that I have no spectacular story of heroism, just a quick update to let you know that I'm still alive.

In the past month... (bullet points if I may?)

• I moved! My two friends I were living with and I parted ways, Pim moved to Bangkok and Steph moved into a place closer to the office. I had actually been feeling like I wanted to be more immersed in Burmese so this came as a perfect opportunity. I was hooked up with 3 Chin girls from Church and I moved in. We have a really great time. They are really sweet and patient with helping me learn Burmese. I feel like I've improved so much already.

In the past week....

• My old old OLD friend from childhood came to Thailand for a quick visit. Amanda and I have been friends since age 8. It was so cool to hang out with her and show her my life here.

Wednesday I drove up to Chiang Mai

Friday we came back down to Mae Sot

Saturday we went back to Chiang Mai

and Monday I came back to Mae Sot. I am tired just typing that...

To bad Thailand is so ugly... what a bust having to drive back and forth ;)

In the past day...

• Compasio has begun an internship training for Burmese community engagement workers. Each week focuses on a different topic, this week we are learning about the Father Heart of God. What an amazing seminar! It's something powerful to know, truly know in your heart, that the God of the universe is your Father and loves you with a perfect love.

In the past hour...

• I woke up, took a quick bucket shower, got dressed, and went to 7-11 to buy more minutes for my cell phone. As I was getting on my motor bike to go to the office, I spotted 2 of my friends who were stopped by the police. I quick ran over, for some reason it helps to have a western face present when 2 illegal Burmese people are stopped by the police. I stood there with them, and waited as the policeman continued to direct traffic. They ended up with just a ticket.

Now...

• I'm gonna scarf down this bowl of raman noodles and quick rush over to the training.

Hope everyone is doing well... and by everyone I mean the people who read this... like you mom. Hi.

Off to be wrapped in the arms of my loving Father and to use the blessings He's given me to be a blessing to those around. Care to join me?

Potential.

Music began thumping and I looked up to see all of the kids gathered at the far end of the room. As the hip hop melody drifted towards me, they lined up and began a cat walk of sorts; one at a time showing off their modeling skills. They walked towards me, blowing kisses on either side, performing dance like twists and turns to outdo their forerunner. When one boy added a dance move to his strut, the other kids quickly swarmed the center of the room and began demonstrating their break dancing moves. The girls continued blowing kisses and giggled embarrassedly when they saw I was watching.

The fun soon ended as the kids made their way outside and picked up their sacks, some full of cans and other recyclables, some empty. An argument broke out between two of the kids.

“I let you borrow 20 baht, and I need it back!”
“I know I borrowed it from you but I cannot pay you. I don’t have any money. I have no money and you know that.”
“I just need the money.”

The argument escalated as they threatened to hit each other. These kids have grown up on the streets; they don’t know how to talk calmly about a situation. They’ve been raised by violence. Survival and money is at the forefront of their minds.

Children should be allowed to live as children. Children their age are usually juggling time between family, friends, homework, and play. Yet, these beautiful children have to go to the streets everyday to collect garbage. They are expected to bring home enough money to feed their parents and younger siblings.

I hope that when they’re older, they will think back to those mornings at the drop in center. I hope that when they have children of their own they will remember the desperation and fear they felt when they approached their parents with only a few baht in hand, even though they’d worked all day long. I hope that when they look in the eyes of their children, they will realize that they deserve to be children. I hope a lot of things for these kids. But I guess that more than anything I hope that they will know how much they are worth. And if given the chance, they could have the potential become doctors, teachers, or even runway models.

Photos by Michelle Larson :)

James 1:27

"When you see her, when you meet her, you'll understand why we need to help her. Maybe you'll get an idea for what she needs." I entered the situation slightly uninformed. The only briefing I received was that this woman from the garbage dump was pregnant, due any day, and she was sick.

I first saw her from far away. She looked like she should have given birth weeks ago. She still worked, sorting through the garbage, looking for anything of value. We approached her and she slowly led us to her house. If this woman was in America she would have been assigned to bed rest weeks ago I thought to myself. But there is no such thing as bed rest here, if she can't work, she can't feed her children.

Her home was small and humble. Bamboo slats tied together with twine was their floor and bed, and tarps lined the bamboo frame of the roof. The walls were decorated with knick knacks; a Buddha calendar, a photo of the King, anything of beauty they've found in the garbage. This one small platform was where she slept with her two young children. Stench rose from the cracks in the floor, trash, mud, and excrement lay underneath. She invited us inside and we perched with our feet hanging over the edge. A pig snorted through the trash below.

As I spoke to this woman, and saw her worn and worried face, I couldn't even fathom being in her situation. She has had four husbands. They have all either died or left her. She has two young children to care for. She lives in a garbage dump. She's pregnant with a child who's father is just a memory. I guess in some ways, that's the story of every migrant that lives in Mae Sot. As we left, I said to her, "Sister. We're here for you. We're going to do everything we can to make sure you and your family are cared for. Please don't be afraid, we are your friends. You're not alone"

When she went into labor we took her to Mae Tao Clinic. It was there we discovered that she has HIV. The situation we thought had been bad had just gotten worse. I don't know much about HIV, but I believe that someone who's been diagnosed has only a matter of time before their immune system becomes unable to fight off viruses. This woman who lives in a neighborhood of garbage is so susceptible to quickly falling ill and dying from a common cold or open sore.

I've been to visit her in the hospital a few times. She sits with her baby. She is quite. I tell her how beautiful her baby is, how she is going to have a wonderful life and her face breaks into a small smile.

"Do you want her? Will you take her? I cannot keep her."

Jesus. Oh Jesus. Let your presence fill this town. Let your Love overwhelm every heart. Let there be Justice and Mercy. Give these people something to hold onto. Something that goes above their situations and circumstances. Be the Father to the Fatherless; the Husband to the Widow; the Hope of this Nation.

Amen.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

like pulling teeth

She stood at the corner, far enough to look like she just happened to be passing by, except that she wasn't just passing, she had come with a purpose. They were a tattered looking pair. One older girl, maybe 21, though the stress on her face made her looked older. She clutched a baby to her chest. The younger girl was one I knew, a regular at our drop in center, but today she lacked her smile.

"Daughter," I called in Burmese, "come here."

She came. Her face grimaced in pain.

"Are you well?" I asked the two girls.

"No," The elder answered. "Her tooth is not good, and the baby is sick."

We peered into the girls mouth, her back molar was completely rotten.

It's moments like this where you need to be able to make split second decisions. These people had problems, and it would do nothing for them if I were to say, "Okay, I'll call a meeting this week and we'll get back to you next week."

"What can we do?" I looked up at the two Burmese speaking interns Compasio has recently hired. "Let's take them to Mae Tao Clinic."

The girl's tooth would have to be pulled, and no Thai hospital would take them. Mae Tao Clinic is free for anyone who comes.

We rode to the clinic. The woman and her baby sat behind me and she tightly gripped my waist, I wondered if she had ever been on a motorbike and I made sure to drive slowly as to not frighten her.

As we entered the clinic, I saw many people milling about, waiting for a chance to be seen, to be cared for. We approached the table and received cards. Esther and I went with the little girl while Daniel stayed with the woman and baby. We walked into the dentist area, and after taking a quick look at her teeth, the doctor told her to sit. Esther and I sat beside her while the man prepared the anesthesia. She gripped my hand tightly and tears escaped her eyes as the needle entered her cheek. After a few minutes the man returned and began to extract the rotten tooth. The girl cried and squeezed our hands even tighter. "It's okay! It's almost over! One more minute. You'll be okay." We reassured her with every word we could. The tooth came out, and she was done.

We returned and sat with Daniel and the sister.They knew they could come to us. I pondered to myself. I think that's really amazing. It must mean everything for these people who have virtually nothing, no one on their side to know that they can come to us with their needs.

Family

When I was preparing to leave last Fall, the thing that was heaviest on my heart was knowing that I had to leave my family.

When I moved away from home at the young age of 18 [:P] I suddenly became closer and grew to appreciate my family. A year later I returned home and got to spend 5 wonderful months with the Phams.

I grew to know my father in a whole new way. The job I had required me to wake up before dawn, and we would often meet in the kitchen, tiptoeing and preparing for our day while trying not to wake the rest. We bonded over cooking Vietnamese food and working on my car (which always had a problem)

My mother was (and is) my biggest supporter. She always encourages me to find the best that God had. I remember her always telling me, "I want all

the doors to be open to you." (this was usually when I refused to study a certain subject in high school, but I know she meant well.) She is still pushing me forward to explore as many opportunities as I can. I know that she is always on my side.

My siblings and I were able to grow close as well. We have always loved each other, but sometimes it takes that distance and a few years of maturity to have true appreciation. Now I value them more than words can describe. If I had 30 bot for every time I whipped out their photos to show off to my friends here I would be a rich woman. I'm so proud of who they are becoming.

To be a disciple means great sacrifice.

There is a man I know, who stood up to do what was right. He sacrificed everything:his job, his safety, his relationships, he even was willing to put his life on the line. All for justice, all for freedom. He sometimes talks to me about his family. He talks about the love he has for his mother, the respect he has for his father, and the tender care he has for his younger sisters. It has been years since he's seen them. He doesn't have much hope that he will see them again.

I feel... I feel petty... I feel petty when my heart aches over my family. I have no excuse. After all, can't I talk to them on skype? Don't I keep in contact with them through facebook and email? Don't I have a date set for when I will return home? He cannot hear their voices and he can never return home.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-yes, even his own life-he cannot be my disciple."

I'm not saying that I'm going to leave my family and wonder off into the wilderness, but I think the key is that I must be willing to give up everything to follow the Lord. If you cannot separate yourself from it, then it is something that comes between Jesus and you.

Just some of thoughts.

I've been in Thailand for almost ten months.

We are all Poor

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

With each new day, God replaces hatred and despair with love and hope. As my heart breaks over the broken relationships I see, I'm reminded that His Kingdom will one day be Whole again. I can do nothing but give and give. I can do nothing but Love.

There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

Deuteronomy 15:11

Holy Rage

I think about Burma a lot. It’s hard not to. I see the result of the military junta everyday. I see the poorest of the poor digging through garbage, because even that is better than the life they had in Burma. I see men who have had their lively hood stolen from them by a landmine, now with no choice but to hobble streets on one leg, unable to work. I’ve met children whose parents were murdered before their eyes, now living as orphans in a foreign land. I’ve met a man who stood up against the government and was imprisoned and forced to flee the country. Now, he is unable to return to Burma without being caught again. It’s been twenty years since he’s seen his parents.

I think about the victims. I blame the leaders and the army. But, the other day it occurred to me that the victims just aren’t the obvious poor, broken people. There are hidden victims as well. What about the soldiers? Those men are Burmese. They have families; they once had dreams and goals for their lives. They are looked at with fear, and secret distain for the horrendous acts they commit, but maybe on the inside their just as broken as those they are persecuting.

I wonder what that young soldier thought the first time he was ordered to attack that village. What flashed through his mind as he lit the bamboo huts on fire, and shot at the men, women, and children who emerged? What do they think as they plant the landmines bent on destroying the lives and crumbling the spirits of people who are not so unlike themselves? I think that the soldiers are victims just as much as anyone.

Prayer. There’s not much I can do. I can’t storm into Burma in a Holy Rage. I can’t make the military leaders give up their power. I can’t even enter the jungle to bring basic help to the millions of people hiding in fear, but I can pray. And, so can you. So, let’s pray. Let’s pray that the soldiers will see that they were not created for brining destruction on the innocent and helpless. Let’s pray that the soldiers will be brought to their knees before Jesus and that they will refuse to do the dirty work of the government. I pray that they will join with the people, that they will become one voice to declare, “We don’t want this anymore.” There’s not much that we can do on our own, but there’s everything that He can do through us.

*Yesterday I entered Burma and was able to see and experience for the first time the fear people live under. As I walked across the bridge that divides Thailand and Burma, I suddenly felt vulnerable and very unprotected. As I walked around the small border town, I felt an overwhelming presence of terror. Later, as I sat and prayed in Thailand, I was moved to petition for these people. Every few weeks or so, I’m going to go to the border and sit. I’m going to go to the border and pray. I’m going to go to the border and prepare my heart and will to be broken for the people of Burma. Would you like to join me? This week, I’ll be praying for the soldiers and military leaders. As God reveals to me ways in which we should be praying, I will share with you, or if you feel God is putting something on your heart then share it, and we can all join together to bring peace to Burma.